Monday, April 30, 2012

Trick Yourself: A new perspective

We just moved to L.A. to expand our matchmaking business.
I used to live here fifteen years ago. Back in my Venice beach "daze", when I was single, in my 20's, a little wild, bright-eyed and sarcastic, I found it incredibly easy to date. With two other outgoing roommates with good jobs, we were always sharing friends, having parties and meeting new people.
Dating in my 20's was like buying bubble gum:  it was easy, quick, cheap and instantly satisfying.

Unfortunately, as one gets older, it becomes more like going to the dentist; you do it because you know it's good for you, but you hate every minute of it.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Don't get me wrong. I know that everybody has a story of a date-gone-wrong. Part of the problem (besides not being able to discern the crazy / the crass / the crooks ) is expectations. As we get older, the stakes are higher (while the dating pool keeps getting smaller and murkier).

OF COURSE, you want your next date to be The One. I get that you're tired; it's exhausting to "sell yourself", turn on the charm after a long day at work, shower again, shell out more cash for "Not-a-chance-in-hell" and not think about the "Criminal Minds" marathon you could be watching right now in your sweats.

But, here's a thought that always works with our clients (especially the women since they seem to get more nervous before first dates).

I say the following:
"Pretend that you and I are best friends; I tell you that my cute, older brother (whom you've never met) is in town for business, knows nobody and has been cooped up in his hotel room. Could you please take him out for one drink?"

You should see how these women relax, become compliant and totally open to the situation.
Not only does this new frame-up help them shift their perpective, but they become totally unattached to the outcome. A short, casual drink with my best friend's brother? Cake walk. They barely think about it. Just an hour? "I only have to show up, be nice and have a laugh", they muse. "And maybe even flirt a little since he's cute!"  Imagine that.

 Suddenly their expectations have been downsized and they decide to just show up and  bring their authentic selves because they believe that they have nothing to lose....

If only we could be that way every time.

Love, Luck and Laughter,