Spending a part of the summer on the Adriatic coast in Italy does wonders for the soul..and little for the ego. These people are GOR-geous! Naturally so. Italians flock to the seaside with reckless abandon. Here, everyone is the same. Sunbathing is a sport with fit legs splayed open, thongs galore and bare breasts and tiny Speedos on display; it’s a caramel smorgasbord of super soft porn. And there’s more.
Italians are keenly aware of their sexuality. It’s quite evident that women enjoy being female and men relish their testosterone-laden masculinity. Nobody is afraid of showing their appreciation for what (whom) they like. Sensuality is the universal language. I have never seen so many beautiful bodies in one place. Everybody is nearly naked and extremely comfortable with themselves. The hot summer air pulsates with naughty implications.
Meanwhile, I begin to think about what sexy means in our American culture. A pair of stilettos? A low-cut dress? An aggressive dance? All accompanied by the requisite alcohol that people need to get their sexy on. There seems to be less imagination and more of a perfunctory stance. “If I wear this, I will be sexy” or “If I do this, I will look sexy”. Instead it should be about how one feels. I’ve seen women in t-shirts and jeans who look incredibly sexy or scruffy men who haven’t shaved in a week who pull it off beautifully.
Feeling sexy starts with feeling comfortable in one’s own skin. It’s about owning our imperfections and (elegantly) flaunting our sweet bits while being aware of our sexual power. It’s not (just) something you put on your body, it’s something you’ve cultivated inside…
I remember when my Italian husband moved to the States from Italy, one of the first things he noticed was the “neutrality” of the people; that everyone seemed to be on “stand by” instead of turned on and connected with the opposite sex. Nobody looked at each other with appreciation (or even lust); people almost looked away when there was someone attractive passing them on the street. Zero sexuality. How weird.
Being connected to ourselves and our sexuality is the touchstone of feeling sexy. Having the courage to openly appreciate a handsome man or attractive woman is natural (and flattering!)
When we truly like ourselves and feel connected to our surroundings and other people, we exude a mysterious energy and secret internal smile that says “there is much more to me than meets the eye…”
Now that’s sexy.