One of the main reasons that we decided to go into the dating / matchmaking field was that we wanted to help singles be better prepared for dating. Emotionally prepared, conversationally prepared and behaviorally prepared. People rarely considered what kind of impression they wanted to make or how they wanted to lead. Have you thought about things you want your date to know about you…….or not know about you right away?
In our business, we’ve come across a lot of “open books” – people who have few filters and are compelled to share everything including the unsavory. Often they do this without realizing the effect of their full disclosure. They get comfortable with the other person and decide to reveal their deepest and darkest….on a first date! Sure, it makes them feel good for getting something off their chest but now they’re left with a date who smiles politely and supportively and then calls their matchmaker (or friend) the next day saying how shocked and turned off they were by something he / she said. Retaining a little mystery goes a long way.
Remember: the person sitting across from you is a stranger. Somebody who is still deciding if they like you or want to see you again. There is plenty of time to tell them about your horrible divorce or sad financial situation or that you’re over 40 and still have a roommate or that those aren’t your real teeth / hair / boobs or that you smoke pot every day or that you’re a recovering addict or that you haven’t had sex in almost 5 years, etc... NONE of these things are wrong or “bad” but all of them have one thing in common: inappropriate timing. It’s very important to differentiate yourself from the masses with your positive attributes, rather than ones that can potentially alienate you from the other person or encourage them to draw premature and inaccurate conclusions. There will be plenty of time to air your dirty laundry once there’s an established foundation within your relationship. And no, it’s not being sneaky withholding certain things initially as long as they’re just details and do not represent who you really are as a whole. The first few dates are meant to reveal if there’s a connection so lead with all of your assets and leave the liabilities for a rainy day. When both parties are “in it to win it”, there’s a better chance for them to stick around for glitches that inevitably arise.
Remember: the person sitting across from you is a stranger. Somebody who is still deciding if they like you or want to see you again. There is plenty of time to tell them about your horrible divorce or sad financial situation or that you’re over 40 and still have a roommate or that those aren’t your real teeth / hair / boobs or that you smoke pot every day or that you’re a recovering addict or that you haven’t had sex in almost 5 years, etc... NONE of these things are wrong or “bad” but all of them have one thing in common: inappropriate timing. It’s very important to differentiate yourself from the masses with your positive attributes, rather than ones that can potentially alienate you from the other person or encourage them to draw premature and inaccurate conclusions. There will be plenty of time to air your dirty laundry once there’s an established foundation within your relationship. And no, it’s not being sneaky withholding certain things initially as long as they’re just details and do not represent who you really are as a whole. The first few dates are meant to reveal if there’s a connection so lead with all of your assets and leave the liabilities for a rainy day. When both parties are “in it to win it”, there’s a better chance for them to stick around for glitches that inevitably arise.
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