Dating is exhausting for most people. The high hopes, disappointments, effort, ‘rules’, white lies and currency (physical and emotional) it requires can be draining. But please don’t give up on yourself. Sometimes a simple shift in your perspective and approach will make all the difference.
If you want to cut through the bull**** and have a more refreshing dating experience, do this:
Be transparent. The more clear you are about who you are and what you value, the more clarity you will get back in your personal experiences. Always. Being honest from the start will pave way for a more authentic relationship. Transparency breeds trust, the foundation of every relationship. You will immediately weed out the amateurs or players and take dating to a new level.
Be cool. Being easygoing and flexible is very attractive. The first few dates should continue to be light, fun and intriguing with a few more layers being revealed each time. We had a couple who hit it off on their first date but nearly ended it on their second. The woman had high expectations in terms of the quality of the date. She wanted to be picked up, expected the restaurant and film to be pre-selected and well thought out. The gentleman, however, was feeling spontaneous; he happily picked her up but thought it would be fun to decide on things together and see where the evening took them. She interpreted his not being prepared as not caring or being invested. He interpreted her expectations (and ribbing) as high maintenance and thought a second date should just be about getting to know each other better. Both were right; both lost in the end. He did not want a third date with her.
Don’t play games. If you want a grown up relationship, stop playing games. Buck the rules. Make your own. If you like her, ask her out right away. If you like him, don’t wait to text him back. The more adept you are at ‘being real’, the quicker your relationship will take off. And don’t listen to the peanut gallery around you. Even though your friends seem to ‘have your back’ they are all bringing their own experiences (some negative) to the table when giving you advice. Follow your heart. Only YOU know what you’re truly feeling when you’re with your person. Trust that.
Be kind. Remember that people are doing the best they can. You do not know what kind of day, month or year someone is having. So don’t be quick to judge; be quick to show kindness. This should be the #1 quality you look for in a mate. Sharing your life with a kind person is like winning the lottery every day.