As you invite in a new year full of possibilities, hope and romance, make sure to leave these negative dating patterns in the dust:
- . Focusing on what’s not working. What you focus on tends to show up in your life. If you keep thinking about your disappointment, struggle and the things that aren’t working for you, you will see more of that. If you keep focused on doing work you love, spending time with people you love, and engaging in activities you love, you will be in a much better place to invite romance into your life.
- “Knowing” in the first five minutes. One of the worst assumptions in dating is thinking that you know everything you need to know right away about the person. First dates are really just “meet-and-greets” where two people are breaking the ice, getting familiar with each other and trying to understand if there’s a connection. Suspend judgment and aim for a second date where much more will be revealed.
- Comparing your RL to everybody’s SML. Real Life and Social Media Life are two different realities. The latter is the superficial highlights-only reel that tends to leave you feeling empty and envious. Take a break from it and see how the quality of your life improves as you stay more grounded and centered in your own life. If you have to document it, how much are you fully experiencing it?
- 4. The need to be in control. Nobody is ever in control of anything. You cannot change the way things happen or how people behave; you can only change your reaction to them. The quality of your dating life will improve vastly when you let go of how things should be and just let them be how they are.
- Making Assumptions. Don’t. Until you have enough facts and consistent experience with someone, you’re in no position to make any assumptions about them. Just remember that people were leading busy lives before you met them…So if she doesn’t answer your text within 10 minutes, it does not mean she’s not interested. And, if he reaches out to you within 2-3 days after your first date, he really likes you.
- 6. Judging everyone against rigid expectations. It’s normal to go on a first date wanting the person to align with your expectations of what your ideal partnershould look like. But the irony is that our "ideal" criteria tend to limit our perspective and keep us from actually being open to the people who are right in front of us. Sometimes subtle qualities like a kind heart, good listening skills, emotional availability or integrity can be overlooked but these are qualities that can nurture a long-term relationship.
- Caring about what your dating life looks like to others. Being overly concerned about dating the right people (who look good on paper, on your arm, on your IG) is about placing your ego above your emotions. YOU are the one who needs to feel happy, safe, fulfilled and adored in your relationship so make sure you are following your heart when you choose your partner or you will pay a steep price