I was recently having tea with my gorgeous new Dutch friend.
She’s tall, elegant, single and new to Los Angeles. She’s definitely a woman who’s comfortable in her own skin.
When she walks, she glides. I asked about her dating life. She giggled about her ‘exploratory phase’ since she’s recently single. Then she shared something interesting: “American men and women keep commenting on how graceful I am. Don’t American women have grace?” she asked innocently. Hmm….I began to contemplate.
Today ‘living out loud’ is not only acceptable, it’s expected. People post the most inappropriate things these days. Technology does not breed sophistication. There’s nothing elegant about seeing or hearing about every sordid detail in someone’s life. Discretion has been replaced with Kardashian moments. And nobody’s batting a lash.
My friend’s question made me reflect on a time when etiquette and elegance is what defined a woman. I’ve often said that my time spent living in Italy turned me into a woman. When I moved there, I was in my late 20’s – big mouthed, challenging and feisty – I was ready to tackle my new world with verve. Then I learned a few lessons like ‘less is more’. Just because somebody asked me a question didn’t mean I needed to tell them everything. I learned that restraint is powerful, especially in how you express yourself. It was less about what I said and more about how I said it. (Exclaiming “Oh my God!” and “No Way!” does not need to distort one’s entire face). And saying exactly what was on my mind was often unwelcome. People say that want to hear the truth; few rarely do.
Ladies, if you’re looking for a confident, charming, masculine, successful, kind gentleman, you need to consider this. That type of man has many options and more often than not, he is looking for a woman who is feminine, graceful, attractive and kind.
Here’s what turns him off:
1. Loud and boisterous women. He can enjoy them as friends but not as ‘his woman’.
2. Aggressive women; the more masculine he is, the more femininity he seeks in his partner.
3. CEO-types who are challenging and career-centric; he wants a woman, not a suit. These women lead with their strength and intellect and forget to bring their softness and playfulness to the table.
4. Vulgarity; save your dirty jokes / gestures for your girlfriends or guy friends.
5. Critical women. If you’re gossipy, sarcastic, negative or even slightly bitter, you will always finish last with these kind of men.
6. Horsey-ness. Are your movements big and jerky? Do you practice good posture?
Being graceful is being kind and lovely even if your date is not the man of your dreams.
It means always thanking the gentleman who took you out.
The graceful woman looks for the best in people and always gives the benefit of the doubt.
She invests in good people (and good shoes).
She talks about positive things.
She does not use words like ‘I hate….” Or “I’d never…”
She doesn’t talk too much or over share.
She has poise. She’s hardly ever in a rush.
She’s smart but doesn’t feel the need prove herself.
Placing value on charm and elegance will set you apart from other women.
The graceful woman looks for the best in people and always gives the benefit of the doubt.
She invests in good people (and good shoes).
She talks about positive things.
She does not use words like ‘I hate….” Or “I’d never…”
She doesn’t talk too much or over share.
She has poise. She’s hardly ever in a rush.
She’s smart but doesn’t feel the need prove herself.
Placing value on charm and elegance will set you apart from other women.
If you’re looking for the ‘George Clooney of Gentlemen’, you should definitely consider whom he chose to marry.
