Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Embrace the Slow Sizzle...

The part of our job that I dislike the most is when I have to deliver the news to a client that their match didn’t feel any chemistry on the date. It’s always a little tough when the feeling is not mutual. Such are the rules of dating. You have to be “in it to win it” and part of the game is putting yourself out there and seeing what comes back.
But with the proliferation of online daters it seems that singles have less patience and higher expectations of finding “crazy chemistry” in an hour and a half date.
That spark is essential but also elusive. I’m just not sure if it’s entirely black and white. A magical connection can fall somewhere in the gray zone where it slowly peeks its head out while steadily piquing one’s interest. It just may take a little longer. We’ve seen it happen.

We rarely get the full picture picture of the stranger sitting in front of us which is why we highly encourage our clients to go on a second date even if there’s a minimal amount of intrigue (and I’m talking only 25%) because we’ve seen things go from 25% to 125% in two or three dates. The key seems to be seeing the person in a different light. Especially if you’re “on the fence” about someone.
We have a client who has a tendency to come across as a bit formal and corporate which rarely breeds flirting on a first date. Her dates often remarked that she seemed more of a CEO than a lady. She has a fun, feminine side. It was just hard to see on a first date. Since she loved the outdoors and being active and adventurous, we suggested a hike for her first date with a new gentleman. This set the tone of her being spontaneous, low maintenance and courageous (not too many women like to sweat on a first date). It turned out to be a successful date because the gentleman only experienced a natural, sexy beauty that was comfortable in her own skin instead of a high-level executive
So if you’re unsure about someone after a first date, plan an activity for the second. Go to an art opening. Or hike. Or the zoo. Or sporting event. Or play tennis. Or cook together. Or walk your dogs to the park. Meet at the beach at sunset. Taste wine. Ride horses. Just. Do. Something. Different . You may be surprised by what you see in the other person that you didn’t see the first time. People are more relaxed when they’re focusing on an activity instead of being in their head.
Stop waiting for the 4th of July to happen because the slow, soft burn often lasts longer…