Monday, September 12, 2016

Ten Signs You’re Not Ready for a Relationship

Ten Signs You’re Not Ready for a Relationship
1.  You’re not willing to drive across town to meet someone for a drink. That’s lazy dating! Nobody enjoys LA traffic but if your initial reaction is resistance and wanting only to meet someone in your zip code, it’s evident that you are not in the right mindset for a relationship. 
2.  Your idea of communicating with someone whom you’ve just started seeing is constant texting and checking in but not making yourself available to see them. Big red flag when someone calls you and you text back instead.
3.  There’s a chip on your shoulder and you can be heard saying “all men / women are….…” If you’re using unsavory adjectives to describe the opposite sex, you’re on the road to becoming bitter and it will be apparent to whomever you meet.
4.  You’re always waiting for something better to come along. Thanks to online dating, singles know there’s always an abundance of people from which to choose. But if you’re worried that you’re missing out on the quantity of what’s available, you may never be in the right mindset to recognize when you have a quality person in front of you.
5. You keep finding yourself with the same (disappointing) type of person.  Allowing yourself to get involved in ambiguous and confusing relationships means you’re not clear on what your standards are and the value and worth of commitment. Change your approach, change your results.
6. Your green light is off. Most singles who want to meet someone are completely unapproachable. They give zero signals that convey they’re open and available. There are a lot of opportunities for you to be more connected with the world around you. Hide your phone, make eye contact and smile, for starters.
7.  Your job is your lover. This is a conscious choice. “I work a lot now because there’s nobody special in my life” is a safe excuse but the wrong approach. Carve out time for social activities, creating fun and getting out of your comfort zone (work). You have to be in it to win it.
8.  Your Must-Haves are longer than your Like-Haves.  Rigidity will dampen all chances of meeting someone special and leaves no room for you to be blown away by someone who’s not your ideal type. Unless you’re George or Gisele, get real with your expectations.
9.  You’re unprepared. You approach dating in a half-a** way, getting half-a** results. Being clear on what you’re looking for and how you’re coming across is important. An open, fun attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.
10.  You’re constantly traveling for work and have no time to actually build a relationship with someone. Sure it’s your job and you have “no choice” – keep telling yourself that. You get to choose how to spend your time on this earth and that includes the type of career you have.

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Are You Guilty Of Being A Distracted Dater?

Are You Guilty Of Being A Distracted Dater?

People are running so fast these days; overwhelmed is the new state of mind. Most of us live inside our heads instead of in the moment.

Living our lives online instead of offline is normal (and sad). Everyone is too preoccupied with their stuff to notice what’s happening right in front of them.
Being a ‘distracted dater’ is such a waste of time.
There’s a new-ish dating culture we dubbed “Generation Next”. Nobody wants to miss out on the next best thing – the taller, thinner, better, brighter, hotter version of whomever is sitting in front of them. Next! Online daters are getting a false sense of power—it’s so easy to pass on someone’s profile -- and time. Singles spend so much time texting and emailing strangers while pretending to get to know them as they simultaneously continue meeting more (better?) strangers online that they text and email… Suddenly because their plate (inbox) is full, they feel like their dating life is overwhelming when in fact, they have not actually MET A SINGLE PERSON.
We come across a lot of singles who hold on tight to their ‘ideal partner’ which actually serves to keep them safe and away from real relationships because their standards are completely unattainable. It’s not to say he / she isn’t out there, it just becomes a very limiting, disappointing and time-consuming experience while they’re waiting.

Having choices is great and not wanting to settle is normal but a ‘keep ‘em coming’ mentality will leave you exhausted and distracted.

People often say “it’s a numbers game”. We disagree. It’s not about the quantity of people you meet, it’s about the quality. Unless you need a ton of dating experience to understand what you want and don’t want, the truth is, it just takes one.
The million dollar question is: how good are you at quieting the meaningless noise around you and recognizing when you have someone special in front of you?
Being in the right dating mindset means being available and interested (and interesting!). It means looking for connection instead of rejection or appreciation for who the person is instead of expectation of who you want them to be.
If you can’t slow things down enough to be present in your love life, you’re not ready to date.

Can’t meet anyone because you’re “super picky”? Don’t worry, you won’t.

Can’t meet anyone because you’re “super picky”?

In our business, we meet many new clients who proudly begin with: “I’m suuuuuper picky” as a badge that explains why they’re single. In their mind it means that they have high standards and aren’t willing to settle but in reality, they most likely have unrealistic expectations that are rooted in fear and insecurity. They may think it’s about quality control, but ultimately it’s about control – and not losing it.
Romantic relationships require vulnerability. That’s scary for most people. Nobody wants to get hurt but there’s no guarantee that you won’t be. Constantly looking for or “picking” at their prospective date’s flaws is a perfect strategy to keep people away and keep them “safe” from the emotional exposure a relationship brings. The irony is that super picky people are secretly fearful of being judged for their own shortcomings or weaknesses. Oftentimes, our “proud and picky” clients will start the conversation with “So my type is …” In which we gently remind them that their type has clearly not been working for them since they’ve hired us. Our goal is to encourage them to pay attention to what qualities they’re placing a high value on and what important qualities they may be overlooking.

Here are three things super picky people can do to let go of their limiting beliefs and start giving more people a chance:

1. Look for the good. Focus on what you like about someone and commit to being open and curious about who they are. There’s a reason why we encourage 2-3 dates before a client makes up their mind. Sometimes it takes more time for an amazing connection to emerge. Shallow qualities have an expiration date so make sure you’re not holding on too tightly to your ‘ideal’ so that you leave room for someone else to come in and knock your socks off.
2. Get brutally honest with yourself. Often, extremely picky people have been deeply hurt by a past relationship. Or they’re carrying insecurities from their childhood or high school or from a highly critical parent. Dig deep and be loving with yourself. Everyone has experienced rejection. It’s a human condition. You are not alone. But you will be if you keep yourself so protected and closed off to the possibilities.
3. Enlist your close friends. Let them know that you’re working on being more open minded and less quick on the draw to say “NEXT!” so that they can support you and call you out if need be. Having people you trust who keep you accountable will help you notice your patterns and hopefully shift them.

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards, just make sure you’re not hiding behind inaccessible expectations that keep you isolated from what you really want.