Friday, May 1, 2015

The WORST offense in Dating. For Men.

The Worst Offense in Dating

Recently I’ve received feedback from three female clients who all shared the same complaint about their first dates: he talked non-stop. All three ladies were annoyed and reluctant to give the respective gentleman a second date. One woman said “I was so bored and unnerved, I just wanted to leave”. The other was a little more amused: “He asked me ONE question the entire night!!!” The third was very disappointed because she liked him initially and interpreted his two hour monologue as a sign of his disinterest. 

Most men don’t know when they’re monopolizing a conversation. They could speak for 90% of the time and when I ask them about what they thought of their date, they’ll say “she was great; we had a wonderful time”. Of course you did. Some men are more focused on being interesting than being interested.

Creating rapport is about telling stories, asking background questions and revealing interesting aspects about your personality. The primary focus of this stage is to show the best side of you.
The point of rapport is simple: you’re trying to establish a connection. When you know she’s attracted, you don’t have to worry about impressing her anymore. Instead, you should focus on providing cool details about your life. For example, you could share a few travel stories, unique experiences, interesting jobs you’ve had or passions. Remember to ask “strategic questions” – ask her what you want her to know about you.

Reflect back and share your observation. This is where you need to use your listening and intuitive skills. You’re not stating the obvious, you’re offering up your thoughts. Women will tell you all about themselves if you really listen. By paying attention and then offering your sincere observations, you’re showing her that you care about what she’s saying. There’s nothing that attracts a woman more than being heard and understood.

Challenge her a little. Women like to be challenged because they like men to feel impressed. This is a way to tease a woman and yet get her to know that you are a confident man which women love.

Be a Magnet. Purposefully persuade her to give you her number so you don’t have to ask for it. During conversation when you discover commonalities, be a little slick. If you both like photography, you can casually say “Oh yeah, there’s a fabulous photographer I want to see who's having his first show next week…” or if she expresses that she loves Italian food, you could say: “I’m dying to try this new Italian bistro that just opened; should we check it out together?”

The art of conversation is a delicate dance that requires a shared cadence. Make sure that you’re being the kind of company that you’d like to keep.

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