When it comes to matters of the heart, people are extremely judgmental when they first meet someone. Call it “thin slicing”, a gut reaction or unconscious behavior, but we make assumptions about others within seconds of meeting them.
As a matchmaker, I can assure you it’s the #1 reason a lot of people are still single.Often what trips up a lot of women is when they make judgments before they’ve even met their date. Recently we were working with a female client who had a lot of ‘rules’. She had read many books on dating and was determined to implement the techniques that she believed would help her meet the right man. The problem was she allowed these rules to get in her way.
We introduced her to a gentleman and they hit it off on the first date. She was smitten; he was intrigued. He said he’d be in touch with her to ask her out again. Day 2, no call. She assumed the worst. She was offended and did not want to go out with him if he called her later on that day because she did not want to appear to be ‘waiting around for him’. She thought he was playing games. I had to remind her that this gentleman had a life before he met her and not to jump to conclusions. Perhaps it’s a really busy period at his work or something came up that he had to handle or he got sick, etc.. There are a whole slew of challenges that we face on a daily basis that are considered ‘acceptable’ when we know the person.
The gentleman did call her later on in the day and she thanked me profusely for “getting me out of my own way” and has been dating him for a few months now.
We’ve met a lot of women who think men are ‘guilty until proven innocent’ because they’ve been hurt in the past. Every man is different and deserves a chance. And if you’re not finding that is the case, then you better start looking at the choices you’re making.
Sometimes women assume that because a potential match had to reschedule or book a date far in advance that he must not be available for a relationship. Really?! You’ve never even met the person. Give someone the benefit of the doubt. We are leading busier lives these days. Please stop psychoanalyzing, commiserating with your girlfriends or imagining the worst. It’s a great way to sabotage potentially wonderful relationships and it makes you seem rigid and even a little bitter.
Early dating should be playful and lighthearted. Don’t take things so seriously so soon. Expecting perfection and people to be on your schedule and follow your rules will always lead to disappointment.