Dating is sheer torture for a lot of people.
And yet, there are some people who have had consistently good experiences and actually enjoy dating. How so? With the right mindset. These savvy singles have learned how to approach dating in a very specific way that guarantees they have a great date every time.
Here are four simple skills you can apply to your dating life to have a significantly better experience:
1) Remember it’s more about choosing than being chosen. Successful daters are confident in their value and in presenting themselves authentically that they don’t worry about their date liking them but only about whether they like their date. This is wildly liberating and attractive.
2) Ask yourself this question. Going into a date wondering if the other person may be "The One" puts too much pressure on you, the experience and the other person. Go in with low expectations and instead of speculating if you’re about to meet your soul mate, ask yourself “What can I learn from this person?” Your feelings should stay on that question throughout the entire date. Curiosity is sexy. Tell yourself that all you want from the date is to know the person, hear their story and get their perspective on life. Perhaps you’ll make a life-long friend or valuable business contact or mentor . Or maybe you will never see them again. But with this mindset, it doesn’t matter. It's more about the opportunity to experience a new person and figure out what turns you on –and off—in a potential mate. Finding something interesting in everyone you meet is a choice.
3) Fire your monkey brain. Most people are in their head so much during a date that they are rarely present. How pointless. Dating should be a delicate dance of culling and sharing information; the only way to do that is to listen and be present. How can you fully experience a person if you’re constantly worried about what you’re saying, how you’re coming across or what you’ll say next? RELAX. Instead of focusing on how you think you should be, have the courage to be who you really are.
4) Nip the Negative Nancy’s in your life. There’s never a shortage of friends who love to commiserate with you on your / their nightmare dating stories or lack of available candidates. Don’t perpetuate the crazy. Words have power. If you speak too negatively about your love life for too long, you just may create your very own self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to surround yourself with positive people who are open-minded, encouraging and adventurous. Talk with your coupled friends who are supportive. Listen to their love stories. Say Yes to ALL set-ups and find the silver lining in each of them.
Norman Vincent Peale said “Change your thoughts and you change your world”.