One Simple Way to Stand Out on a First Date

We’ve recently started noticing that every time we ask a new client what they like to do for fun, their eyes glaze over. 

Nine out of ten of them cannot answer the question. Most of the time, they say ‘working out, hiking or spending time with friends’.

That’s fine. No judgement here but since we’re in the business of  helping people shine and make a remarkable  first impression as we introduce them to their match, it’s important to consider this:

If you’re not rocking your own world, how do you expect anyone worthy to want to be in it?

We live in a culture where our self-worth is tied to our net worth and living a fulfilling life means being busy. But boring lives attract boring people. Having a variety of interests that go beyond work is super attractive. People want to be around interesting people who are engaged with the world and their own life. If you’re looking for a well-rounded, fun, engaging, attractive person with whom to build a life, start paying attention to how you’re living your own life.

Here are four ways for you to stand out and show that you’re living a fun, interesting and engaging life:

Have good stories ready. If you want to show someone that you’re living an interesting life, have some good anecdotes ready to share. It’s more dynamic to show who you are through stories than statements.  Another great way to be interesting is to ask interesting questions. Like ‘What’s your idea of paradise?’ or ‘What is the craziest thing you’ve experienced on a trip?’ or ‘What’s something surprising about you?’

Be around people who inspire you to live a cool life. Jim Rohn said ‘You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with’.  Are the people in your life interesting, positive, and adventurous who encourage you to explore life?  Or are they judgmental, close-minded and somewhat limiting?  The few who are closest to us have the greatest impact on our way of thinking, our self-esteem and our decisions. So take stock of the value that people add (or remove) in your life. It will greatly influence who you attract.

Be true to what moves you. Saying traveling (or anything else that you do infrequently) is your passion when you barely go on one trip a year for 10 days is a holiday not a passion. If you truly enjoy discovering new places and cultures, start planning more trips or at least research where you’d like to go so that you have something interesting to share. You owe it to yourself to discover what lights your fire. Why else are we here?

Pay attention to your everyday choices. The quality of your life is determined by the choices you make each day. Your lifestyle is about doing what you value consistently. It’s not about waiting for when you’re in a relationship to do cool things. That’s lazy and safe. Start small. Integrate one new or different experience every month. Strive to thrive in your life, not just survive and you will be a magnet for exciting, interesting people who do the same.

Men Dish about the Top 7 Things That Attract Them on a First Date

They say men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears.

While physical attraction is the first thing that gets them in the door, there are a few other ‘essentials’ that initially captivate men and keep them interested in moving forward  with a woman they just met.

Here are seven qualities that consistently come up for our eligible bachelors (and guarantee them asking for a second date):

1. Fun. This is always #1. A woman who is playful, has a decent sense of adventure and doesn’t take life too seriously is wildly attractive for a man. “She laughs easily and appreciates the little things in life” is a recurring statement.
   
2. Positive. Sometimes we hear “She was such a Debby Downer”. Everyone goes through challenging moments in their life where they need to vent but a first date with a stranger is not the place to unload in detail. “A woman who is happy with her life is wife material for me” said quite a few of the gentlemen in our portfolio.
   
3. Flexible. “The opposite of high-maintenance. My dream woman loves champagne but she’s also cool drinking a beer with me” declared our European client. Too many rules, a rigid mindset or saying “I hate ….” Or “I can’t stand …..” is a big turn-off for men.
   
4. Authentic. Being genuine comes up a lot. Poseurs, name-droppers, label-shamers and over-all superficiality were deal breakers. One gentleman was so turned off when one of the first things his date asked him was “What are you wearing?” (She worked in fashion, but still). Guys don’t care about whom you know either. They only care about how you make them feel during the date.
   
5. Kind. This golden quality goes a long way. Men pay attention. They observe how you speak with the wait staff, others around you, on a phone call, etc...If you’re nasty or dismissive with others but turn towards your date with a smile, he will take note. And eventually, take off. “I had a huge checklist before I met my wife. There was only one thing on that list I would never overlook: a genuinely kindhearted person” said Mark, one of our happily married (former) clients.

6. Smart. “Being intellectually stimulating and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics will always supersede shallow beauty in the long run” said one CEO of a huge technology firm. According to him, “it’s not about how smart she is or what she knows; it’s more about her curiosity about different topics and her desire to know more”.
   
7. Independent. Many men try to steer clear of women who they perceive as“expecting me to go out of my way to entertain her or think of things to do”. They do not want to be a woman’s primary source of entertainment. This sentiment is consistent: “A woman with her own life is incredibly attractive”. Her own life means: her own career, her own set of friends, her own way of thinking and her own dreams.

It’s interesting to note that men seem to be more charmed by how a woman is being than what she is doing.

Four Simple Skills in Dating You Need to Master Now

Dating is sheer torture for a lot of people.

And yet, there are some people who have had consistently good experiences and actually enjoy dating. How so?  With the right mindset. These savvy singles have learned how to approach dating in a very specific way that guarantees they have a great date every time.

Here are four simple skills you can apply to your dating life to have a significantly better experience:

1) Remember it’s more about choosing than being chosen. Successful daters are confident in their value and in presenting themselves authentically that they don’t worry about their date liking them but only about whether they like their date. This is wildly liberating and attractive.

2) Ask yourself this question. Going into a date wondering if the other person may be "The One" puts too much pressure on you, the experience and the other person. Go in with low expectations and instead of speculating if you’re about to meet your soul mate, ask yourself “What can I learn from this person?” Your feelings should stay on that question throughout the entire date. Curiosity is sexy. Tell yourself that all you want from the date is to know the person, hear their story and get their perspective on life. Perhaps you’ll make a life-long friend or valuable business contact or mentor . Or maybe you will never see them again. But with this mindset, it doesn’t matter. It's more about the opportunity to experience a new person and figure out what turns you on –and off—in a potential mate. Finding something interesting in everyone you meet is a choice.

3) Fire your monkey brain. Most people are in their head so much during a date that they are rarely present. How pointless. Dating should be a delicate dance of culling and sharing information; the only way to do that is to listen and be present. How can you fully experience a person if you’re constantly worried about what you’re saying, how you’re coming across or what you’ll say next? RELAX. Instead of focusing on how you think you should be, have the courage to be who you really are.

4) Nip the Negative Nancy’s in your life. There’s never a shortage of friends who love to commiserate with you on your / their nightmare dating stories or lack of available candidates. Don’t perpetuate the crazy. Words have power. If you speak too negatively about your love life for too long, you just may create your very own self-fulfilling prophecy. Try to surround yourself with positive people who are open-minded, encouraging and adventurous. Talk with your coupled friends who are supportive. Listen to their love stories. Say Yes to ALL set-ups and find the silver lining in each of them.

Norman Vincent Peale said “Change your thoughts and you change your world”.

Your happy ending begins with the right attitude. So if you’re going to show up, you may as well shine!