TOUCH ME...don't text me!

Today we can order men or women online like Super-sized value meals:  hold the onions, extra beef and no ice, please! With the tap of our fingers, we can literally choose our Dream Date:  36C, non-smoker, over 6’ male, loves dogs, is FIT. When did we start kicking romance to the curb?

In taking a cue from the Italians -- who invented “slow food” – I’m proposing a slow dating movement. Hey cyber-singles, surrender all of your techie-tools because it’s not working. Slow dating means that you no longer get to hide behind technology to express yourself.  You actually have to show up with your Authentic Self from the get-go. Thanks to “Generation Next”, singles are coming up short during the dating process.  Our quick-fix, super-social-media-driven society is allowing technology to trump intimacy. 

Not dazzled by your date in the first three seconds? Next! You couldn’t get past his shoes? Next! You prefer two inches taller / 10 pounds lighter / 3 years younger…Next! It’s so easy to say “Next!” in the unforgiving world of online dating because you know your inbox is full of potential dates who could be dazzlers.  With the stroke of our keypad, we can look better, sound better and seem better online.

But what about off-line aka real life?

I’m not knocking cyber-players.  If you have the time and energy for online dating, you may hit the jackpot after Coffee Date #72.  But what happens when you ‘put your hands up and step away from the computer’?  Suddenly the rules have changed.  You’re more conscious of those pesky pounds that you fibbed about or your capacity to cultivate a real one-on-one conversation without relying on emoticons (L) to express yourself. Your quick-wit isn’t so quick anymore; your confidence waxes and wanes. However, it’s when we allow ourselves to be fully seen that a real connection unfolds.

Slow dating is about cultivating a conversation between two people sans computer and being present throughout the journey.  Women get to flirt and be feminine, sexy and chased, while men push their potency through their body language and charm while doing the chasing.  A sensual exchange is sexier than a technical one. How else can you enjoy someone’s passion and scent or the shape of their hands, the curve of their lips? It’s these very nuances that tilt the odds in one’s favor. A computer can never detect these subtle, yet incredibly vital cues. The spontaneous reaction between two people is what breeds intimacy.  Not a text or an email.

Have the courage to let go of who you’re supposed to be and just be who you are.

In your quest to find a soul mate, try to show a little less swagger and a lot more soul. J

Too many Gold Diggers? Stop being a Gold Dangler!

I live in a pretty wealthy town with a generous mix of old & new 'riche'. Since many men delight in displaying their wealth, it's hard to ignore certain bling ranks: car keys, address, clothes, restaurant choices, etc... Yet it's amazing the number of single men I speak with who start most sentences with:  "The women in this town are all gold diggers." 

While a large percentage of that may seem true (women tend to divorce very well here), my very next question is:  " Well, are you a gold dangler?"  This is usually met with a smirk 'n eye squint or a total blank expression. Gold danglers are men who are used to displaying their wealth in subtle or even vulgar ways. They practically dangle their "gold" in front of the ladies.
Key chain:  Porsche. Casual mention of their address: On the key. Or multiples: the house up north.  Wine order:   '97 Sassicaia. Or slipping "...yeah, last weekend we went out on the yacht...."  into the conversation. Lady ears are perked, interest is peaked.

Is there ANYTHING wrong with letting a woman know that you are $uccessful? Absolutely Not. But if a man is unhappy about consistently attracting gold-digging women, he needs to start thinking about what he's putting out there.  If a man really wants to know if a woman is attracted to him for WHO he is and not what he possesses, he needs to be careful about what he shares. I'm not suggesting showing up in a beat up Ford or abdicating his Fratelli Rossettis .. but men can steer the conversation away from excess pomp and fill it with more...stance.

 If a man is looking for authenticity, he needs to be authentic.
There is nothing more attractive than discovering that the man whom you are falling for is financially successful. ("Discovering" is the key word). It's like Christmas! The cherry on top..And you are both certain: He is certain that she likes him for who he truly is. She is certain that she likes him for who he truly is.

So fellas..Keep the swagger, just toss the swank.