Monday, July 15, 2013

A simple hello could lead to a thousand things

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How approachable are you??

As I sat inside the warm coffee shop contemplating my next appointment, I looked up and saw a tall, attractive blonde approaching from the parking lot. She had on over-sized black sunglasses, her iPod plugged into her ears, arms crossed and a rigid expression staring straight ahead as she nearly power -walked her way towards the front door. I immediately knew it was Lauren, our new client. We spoke on the phone a few times before she decided that she wanted to move forward with our matchmaking services. At 43, Lauren was a successful lawyer, divorced and with delusions of grandeur. She could not for the life of her understand why men never approached her. “I’m attractive, financially secure, a great catch…I just don’t get why when I go out with my girlfriends not one man approaches me, while my plain-Jane chunky friend is the one always getting hit on” she lamented. 

I asked Lauren if her “green light” was turned on. She looked confused. I explained that when we’re single it’s so important to wave our “single flag” proud and high that says we’re open, curious and approachable. It’s difficult enough for men to approach women – especially when they’re with a group of women –but men will hardly ever walk up to a woman who is closed, rigid, frowning and is basically shouting to the world: “Leave me alone! “ I reminded Lauren that our body language is our loudest voice.

I asked about her chunky friend. How does she behave with men? Lauren laughed and said “She’s always giggling like a school girl and talks to anyone. She’s about 15 lbs overweight but walks around like she’s Marilyn Monroe; it’s hilarious. Men love her…”

So let me get this straight. You have a friend who smiles, laughs, engages with men and walks around like she’s comfortable in her own skin and you’re not sure why men approach her? And you walk around staring straight ahead, disengaged from the world with a sign that says “Do not even think about coming close to me” but you’re not sure why men don’t approach you? Lauren looked rattled. “I guess I’m just protecting myself” she sighed.

Unfortunately, in our efforts to protect ourselves from unwanted attention, we simultaneously close ourselves off from potential opportunities
Learning how to elegantly rebuff someone’s advances is key to regaining our personal power.

Keeping our “green light” on is the only way to encourage and allow love in.

People are connecting with one another less and less today.
Take a baby step outside of yourself and open up your world
with a little eye contact and a lot of smile.
Let connection trump protection.

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