The first thing we tell people who ask us what they should be doing to find the right guy/girl is “Get a life!” What we really mean is go find your bliss NOW. Most successful professionals we meet are so wrapped up in their career that they’ve left little time to cultivate their passions. When I ask them what they do for fun, their eyes glaze over. Usually they’ll say “work out” (really?!) or go out with friends. Which is fine. But what I’m really asking is what sets you on fire? What makes your eyes dance? Your toes curl?
Being well-rounded and interesting with something other than your career to talk about is wildly attractive.
I was interviewing a new male client recently who had all of the time in the world to cultivate his talents. He was a career man who had accumulated financial wealth and little else. A one-trick pony. His topics of conversation revolved around the financial world. He lived a healthy lifestyle and took care of himself but other than that, he had very little to convey. I tried to find out how else he liked to express himself. He loved good food but got bored of going out to restaurants all the time. He had a beautiful home with a to-die-for “virgin” kitchen. After I told him that women think a man in the kitchen is sexy, his eyes widened. “Why not learn 3 dishes really well so when you invite a woman over for dinner, you can show her your confidence in the kitchen”. He was game. I also encouraged him to learn about wine. He got nervous. “Start exploring! Have fun with it. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to your taste; pick three wines that you like and learn enough about them so you can tell a story”, I suggested.
A Renaissance man in the making. Bringing more layers into a relationship makes it more interesting and exciting. These are the basics, gentlemen!
The other day I was getting feedback from two clients who just went out on a date. She was smitten; he was on the fence. He wasn’t so sure about the chemistry he felt for her and mentioned that she was rigid and somewhat flat. When I encouraged him to tell me what he liked about her, he said something interesting. Apparently when she started talking about her art and music, she became more appealing. He used words like “animated”, “more attractive” and “passionate” to describe her. Tell me more! I urged. The more positive qualities he recounted, the more convinced he became that he was too quick to judge her (that’s a whole other blog!!!) and decided to see her again. All in the name of sharing one’s passion.
Being single is a fantastic time to design the life you want or at least enjoy the freedom of exploring your own tastes.
When I was single in my 30’s, I used to think what an excellent opportunity it was for me to develop my “skills” – whether it was learning how to be a better cook, attending more art openings so I could be more well-versed in art, learning how to plant a garden or making a signature Bellini – I wanted to enter a new relationship “bearing gifts”. This mind-set not only increases your confidence level, it increases your value which means you get to choose higher-quality “fish” in the sea of potential love. Win-Win.
So...what are you bringing to the table?