Thursday, November 21, 2013

For the Ladies: The Power of Waiting

I grew up in an Italian Catholic family where the rules were strict but the food was amazing. My mother, who was born and raised outside of Venice, Italy always taught me the importance of having traditional values, strong morals, to respect my body and “never chase the boys”. As I got older, I began to think that her viewpoints were a bit antiquated and stale. But now that I’m in the business of matchmaking and working with singles, I realize how incredibly important the implications of her words were.
Dating should be a delicate dance of getting to know each other slowly but surely. It’s a beautiful time that’s packed with intrigue, anticipation and flirting. When two people feel the same way about each other, it’s intoxicating. However, instead of enjoying the experience of watching the story unfold, many people just want to race to the finish line before they’ve decided if it’s even a game they want to play.

Lately, I’ve heard a lot of stories of regret from the ladies: “If I knew he was______ (married / such a jacka** / a player / so selfish, etc...), I never would have gone to bed with him”. At the risk of sounding old fashioned, I believe that giving ourselves completely to a man should be considered a precious gift. Not just for our sake, but also for the man. When women make men wait, their value automatically increases. A man may be disappointed at first, but deep down inside, he’s incredibly respectful and intrigued by the woman. “WOW, she’s different than most women I’ve been out with”, he notes. Different = special. Differentiating yourself from the masses is essential in dating. Men fall in love with women who respect themselves and demand respect from them. They consider it a turn-on and a challenge.

But it’s not about manipulating a man or merely protecting your gifts. It’s about taking things slow for the sake of understanding different layers of the man before you get jiggy together. Sex can decrease your ability to objectively measure someone (particularly if the sex is good), especially if it’s too early in the relationship.
There’s no right or wrong amount of time to make him wait. If your focus is finding The One, your future husband, the father of your children then those stakes are pretty high and it behooves you to take your time, doesn’t it?

Wait as long as it takes to learn about each other, find compatibility points, assess his character and intentions and allow deeper feelings to evolve. Flirting and laughter are the best foreplay in the world. Besides, if a man really wants to be with you, nothing can keep him away. But don't make him wait just to see how committed he is. Do it to see if he is right for you.

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