Thursday, November 21, 2013

Never Judge a Book by its Cover Alone

Being a matchmaker has tremendous rewards…and challenges. Everybody has a story and I always feel honored when people share their intimate details and difficulties with me. All I want to do is help and inspire them. Then there are those who seem to have it all figured out. They’re the “I’ve got it covered” clientele. They seem to know a lot about their strengths and very little about their challenges or blind spots. They “don’t need any advice and know how to date”; they just need a little more “access” to the right people according to them. Which is partly true, I’m sure. However the part that amazes me the most is that they’re not interested in modifying anything about themselves or their approach to dating even though they’re striking out left and right. “I’m just fine the way I am – it’s them” essentially is what they’re expressing. This is when I quote Einstein’s definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over (and over!) again and expecting a different result.
Oftentimes this type of client is very focused and attached to their check list:
Does he have a PhD? Does she have less than 20% body fat? Does he make over $200k? Is she a ‘10’? Does he own his place? Is she 15-20 years younger? While there’s nothing wrong with these requests – after all, people like what they like – there is something wrong with focusing more on what looks ‘good on paper’ and less on how the person makes you feel. These type of people like to be dazzled by status, superficiality and security. The sad thing is, those are all qualities that can be ‘here today, gone tomorrow’. Many times I see people going after the same types and making the same mistakes each time. At the end of the day, does the man and all his toys make you feel loved, cherished and adored? Is your model-worthy girlfriend supportive? Is she there for you when you hit a bump in the road and lose your status? The pomp and flash are seductive in the beginning but they’re not always sustainable qualities.
Why not start re-evaluating your ‘type’ and ask yourself if it’s time to update what’s important to you. What’s the missing link? What’s the thing that keeps coming up in all of your relationships? Why are your relationships ending? There’s nothing wrong with looking for a man or woman that makes you proud because of their accomplishments or beauty; I’m simply suggesting to keep it balanced. Look at the other side of the coin, too. Beauty fades, status wanes, money comes and goes, so make sure your partner has the goods in other areas like compassion, kindness, supportiveness and generosity of spirit. Because when the going gets tough (and it will), there’s nothing more delicious than knowing when you walk through the door that somebody has your back.

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